God's Love 101

Monday, July 28, 2008

I feel like over the last few weeks God has been teaching me so much about Him. Sometimes it feels like my head is going to spin off attempting to coherently understand it all. Which is something to be excited about, and I am more than excited, and thankful too.

What if God was like a highschool course? You learn about Him for a month or two, have an exam, and your done. So if you didn't understand something or missed some days, once that semester is over, your screwed. That would be a bummer. But no, God shows us new things about Him all the time!!! i love it. i feel like recently God has really been proving to me that He is ALL i could ever need in this lifetime. In the midst of this lesson from God I heard an AWESOME sermon at midtown on Philippians 4.

[11].I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. [12.]I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. [13.]I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I love it. God has really been showing me that no matter who is in my life or what is causing me to worry that it shouldn't matter. JESUS IS ENOUGH! i can't really sum it up any more than that! I talked to a really good friend of mine about this certain instance that has been testing my trust with God. Not that it has been making me question God's love, but that this situation has caused me to stretch and grow and actually rely even more on Him to get through it. but anyways, she pointed me to Matthew 6 where it talks about worrying, and how the birds don't store up their food and God provides for them! I wish i could be like a bird sometimes, just going from day to day not worrying at all. Of course their brain size is like a walnut...BUT how much more valuable to God are we than birds!! God takes such good care of us, I know personally I am super blessed, but I still worry and desire things. My same friend has a really awesome perspective, she was saying how this summer she has really been experiencing God's love fully, even though she doesn't fully understand it, she can feel it. She says that things don't consume her anymore, like she doesn't worry about hardly anything and that just knowing Gods love, has been so amazing in her life. I thought this was straight up, awesome!!! I however, still continue to let situations & people take over and I continue to worry about things.

I've really been comforted yet challenged in Proverbs 3:5:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

I just have to CONSTANTLY remind myself that i am just a puzzle piece and God is making one huge puzzle and He knows what the heck He is doing and I just need to trust Him, with ALL of my heart!

while you were sleeping...

Monday, July 21, 2008

So I had the weirdest, most unsettling dream of my life; my whole life. My granddad died two months ago today. George Mallett, known to me as Gramps. I love him a lot and I miss him so much, so that whole process was really rough. So in my dream I'm sitting in the middle row of our minivan [also known as the big red turd] and we pull up to my Grams [his wife] house. Now in my dream, i know that he already passed away. But as we pull up and park on the curb I look up at the window to his 'treehouse' [that was really just a study], and see him sitting in his chair looking out the window, smiling at us. It took me a second but then i realized what i had just seen, shook it off, and looked up again and he was gone. So everyones getting out of the car hugging my grandma and what not, and out of the front door comes Gramps. at first i just remember watching him from my bucket seat not sure of what was going on because the rest of my family was just acting like everything was normal. The car door was open and so as I sat there I just watched him joke and laugh like he always did, and i still just couldn't move. When he realized i was still in the car, he said "well aren't you gonna give your Gramps a hug?" and i didnt respond, and thats when he said something along the lines of, "oh i see, she doesn't realize I'm a spirit"

WHAT THE HECK!!

am i going whacko!?!?! he seemed so real too, that was the weird thing, i know everyone says that about dreams though. i really dont know what to make of this dream. two options
1] it was just a dream. and possibly..im going insane.
2] he visited me in a dream? is that possible? does God allow that? or...his spirit visited me? i dont even know. but it was too real for me to doubt this possibility, however this option is VERY doubtful...right?

so after i got over the shock of seeing him and processing what he had just said, I looked back to my good friend Will, who for some reason was in the back seat and had joined us on our family vacation? I think he was in my dream because at GoCamp we talked all about Gramps and his influence in my life and how he died, etc. etc. But i turned around to the back seat and just gave him this look of utter confusion and sadness. I wish i could show you my facial expression, but this blog doesn't come fully equipped with a selection of smileys. He didn't say anything but looked really confused at why I was confused & coming to tears so i just pointed to Gramps and immediately Will understood what was going on and gave me a look of...comfort and understanding? can you show those emotions in a look? well he did. apparently we were both mute in these few minutes as well because we never said a word. but i finally get out of the turd and go give Gramps a huge hug, he smelled just like himself. wierd i know, but its just that granddad scent that he has, i can't really explain it. we just hugged for a really long time, and then i woke up; bawling.

Well, i didn't wake up crying, but once i realized what just happened, then i cried. I've never cried about a dream before. your shocked, i know. I just miss him a lot, and i was really confused about what just happened and I realized how much I still miss him and then reality sunk in once again. he is not here. my gramps has passed on, and he is in a so much better place right now i know that without a doubt. He blessed my life in so many ways, and at the funeral, i realized how many other lives he touched as well. He made so much of his life, he loved God so much and he loved to sing and he loved getting to know the youth at his church too. he was sincerely interested in every single person he knew, and a lot of times people he didnt know. he was basically, the greatest man i've ever known. someone stop me, this could go on for days.

Funny how dreams work. Dreammoods.com says that since i dreamed about a dead relative being alive " In trying to keep up with the pace of your daily waking life, you dreams may serve as your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss of a loved one." Now please believe dreammoods is not the place to find all your answers. we did research on dreams in my psychology class and I'm not sure if I believe in dream interpretation at all. I just find it interesting. anywhoo, i can assure you that my dreams were and are not my only outlet. but all of this dream stuff is another blog, for another time. i'll just let you chew on that a bit.

Silly Alfred

Friday, July 11, 2008

"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
--Alfred Lord Tennyson



I'm not sure how I feel about this quote. I agree, yet disagree at the same time. Also I feel a bit unable to fully comprehend this quote because I can't say that I have truly been in love with another human being. But I'll share my opinions anyhow.

On the one hand, from what experience I know from living so far is that love is great. Loving family and friends of course, and there is always the attraction towards the opposite sex. To know someone genuinely cares about you and what your doing is a good feeling. Everyone wants to be loved. Duh. There's the "to have loved" part. Now the lost part. Let's just take a relationship for instance. You build up this relationship with them for so long and they become a significant part of your life, then you lose them. They are no longer a part of your life, and that piece of you is gone. So it's almost like you have this hole in your life that they filled, and now its just hollow. While this hole can gradually be filled up over time, it's definitely not instant. Not if it really was "love" anyways. So. You have this awesome thing, and then its gone, and you are left with the reminder of how good that thing was. Is the love worth the loss?

Falling in love with "the right guy" seems to just be an accepted task on our life checklist. I don't know many people who try to decide if they should fall in love and/or get married. Most people want to, except for the nuns and priests of course. So what about those priests and nuns, maybe I should interview them. I wonder if they feel like they are missing out on a part of life because they are not supposed to marry. I bet they would say no though, because they probably all felt called to do what they are doing, which would be following God, which is great. So maybe I shouldn't ask them.

I kind of feel like the only people we could really ask that question is Adam and Eve. They were the first to experience the ULTIMATE love, God's. They also, had it rightfully lost it. They did not lose God's love however, they just disobeyed God's one rule and were removed from the garden. Their actions also had effects for the rest of the world for a very, very, very long time. I think I'll ask them when that day comes.

Is there a way that you could not be hurt after losing the love? What if it ended on good terms...is that even possible?!


let that sink in :]

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.

Monday, July 7, 2008

First of all, that quote is terrible!! CATS! a refuge from miseries of life?? please explain to me how they are a source of refuge.


So as I was attempting to sum up my complete professional career after over 17 years of life on to 1 sheet of paper, I started to think. The things that really matter in life, the things that I consider important, aren't what you would call appropriate for a professional business resume.

Which is a bummer because my real resume, was pretty lame. It consisted mostly of super-inflated words that described my experience as a lifeguard, and a hostess...and something about national beta club? However, I am such a good inflater of words that "sitting in a chair with a whistle" and "standing there and occasionally seating people" turned into almost two pages of utter nonsense.

What would a life resume look like? Our complete story of the relationship with Jesus Christ, for starters! i could be done with my resume with just that qualification, thank you! how i have helped to raise my younger siblings as well as the responsibility that it produces, how i have learned through hard experiences and matured and grown through them. awesome trips that i've been a part of that have changed my life. favorite Christmas gifts, the occasional inside joke and pictures, pictures, pictures!!! But if you think about it, who would you even give a life resume to? God? If that were the case you could just stop at my first credential. done. That's so crazy to think that all we really need in this life is accepting Christ's saving grace and we are good to go. All of life's other stuff is just fluff. Just think of ALL of the sins you have committed in your life compared to ..saying yes to Jesus!! we got it good. Anyways, I'm done rambling.