while you were sleeping...

Monday, July 21, 2008

So I had the weirdest, most unsettling dream of my life; my whole life. My granddad died two months ago today. George Mallett, known to me as Gramps. I love him a lot and I miss him so much, so that whole process was really rough. So in my dream I'm sitting in the middle row of our minivan [also known as the big red turd] and we pull up to my Grams [his wife] house. Now in my dream, i know that he already passed away. But as we pull up and park on the curb I look up at the window to his 'treehouse' [that was really just a study], and see him sitting in his chair looking out the window, smiling at us. It took me a second but then i realized what i had just seen, shook it off, and looked up again and he was gone. So everyones getting out of the car hugging my grandma and what not, and out of the front door comes Gramps. at first i just remember watching him from my bucket seat not sure of what was going on because the rest of my family was just acting like everything was normal. The car door was open and so as I sat there I just watched him joke and laugh like he always did, and i still just couldn't move. When he realized i was still in the car, he said "well aren't you gonna give your Gramps a hug?" and i didnt respond, and thats when he said something along the lines of, "oh i see, she doesn't realize I'm a spirit"

WHAT THE HECK!!

am i going whacko!?!?! he seemed so real too, that was the weird thing, i know everyone says that about dreams though. i really dont know what to make of this dream. two options
1] it was just a dream. and possibly..im going insane.
2] he visited me in a dream? is that possible? does God allow that? or...his spirit visited me? i dont even know. but it was too real for me to doubt this possibility, however this option is VERY doubtful...right?

so after i got over the shock of seeing him and processing what he had just said, I looked back to my good friend Will, who for some reason was in the back seat and had joined us on our family vacation? I think he was in my dream because at GoCamp we talked all about Gramps and his influence in my life and how he died, etc. etc. But i turned around to the back seat and just gave him this look of utter confusion and sadness. I wish i could show you my facial expression, but this blog doesn't come fully equipped with a selection of smileys. He didn't say anything but looked really confused at why I was confused & coming to tears so i just pointed to Gramps and immediately Will understood what was going on and gave me a look of...comfort and understanding? can you show those emotions in a look? well he did. apparently we were both mute in these few minutes as well because we never said a word. but i finally get out of the turd and go give Gramps a huge hug, he smelled just like himself. wierd i know, but its just that granddad scent that he has, i can't really explain it. we just hugged for a really long time, and then i woke up; bawling.

Well, i didn't wake up crying, but once i realized what just happened, then i cried. I've never cried about a dream before. your shocked, i know. I just miss him a lot, and i was really confused about what just happened and I realized how much I still miss him and then reality sunk in once again. he is not here. my gramps has passed on, and he is in a so much better place right now i know that without a doubt. He blessed my life in so many ways, and at the funeral, i realized how many other lives he touched as well. He made so much of his life, he loved God so much and he loved to sing and he loved getting to know the youth at his church too. he was sincerely interested in every single person he knew, and a lot of times people he didnt know. he was basically, the greatest man i've ever known. someone stop me, this could go on for days.

Funny how dreams work. Dreammoods.com says that since i dreamed about a dead relative being alive " In trying to keep up with the pace of your daily waking life, you dreams may serve as your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss of a loved one." Now please believe dreammoods is not the place to find all your answers. we did research on dreams in my psychology class and I'm not sure if I believe in dream interpretation at all. I just find it interesting. anywhoo, i can assure you that my dreams were and are not my only outlet. but all of this dream stuff is another blog, for another time. i'll just let you chew on that a bit.